Radical Romance

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is more delightful than wine.”  Song of Songs 1:2

Romance is not just for the young; indeed, it can become more robust with age. This is one of God’s ways of keeping your heart youthful. The excitement of wooing your wife or husband is an important part of God’s plan for marriage. There is nothing more boring than a marriage that has gone stale.

Like an old and moldy piece of bread, the relationship becomes crusty and distasteful without the freshness of romance. There is nothing more exciting than a husband and wife who never get over pursuing one another. Sparks fly because passion is aflame for each other. They don’t take each other for granted when romance is robust.

Romance is a combination of physical, emotional, and spiritual dynamics. All three of these ingredients contribute to a romantic rendezvous. The spiritual element keeps God in the forefront. He keeps your motives pure. The motive to serve each other and to speak each other’s love language is top of mind. However, you want to please God more than anything else, even more than you want to please your spouse.

This love triangulation is healthy since you worship God, not your wife or husband. Love the Lord first, and you will love your spouse the best. Secondly, romance involves your emotions. Your best friend is your wife or husband. This is where you make your primary emotional investment. Share the depths of your heart, your fears, your failures, and your dreams. Romance thrives on friendship because transparency is a bridge to laughter, tears, and comfort. Friends do not have to fix things, but they are there for support and encouragement. Friends forgive freely and often. Friendship fuels the flames of romance.

Furthermore, romance is physical. Make sure you are easy on the eyes for your spouse. Remember how you gussied up for each other when you were dating? Some things need never to change.  Never stop dating. If you do, you risk losing your marriage or, at the very least, you’ll consign yourself to a mediocre one.

Once you catch your life-mate you have to keep them. Your pre-marriage strategy—smelling good, looking good, and tasting good—still applies. So take the time to clean up, dress up, make up, and hook up. In addition, communication is critical for romantic results. Engagement of hearts in conversation leads to engagement of bodies in intimacy. Physical intimacy goes a long way toward preventing unfaithfulness.

Children are blessings from God, but do not let children stand in the way of a romantic marriage. Work is necessary, but not at the expense of romancing your spouse. Let your calendar and your checkbook reflect time and money budgeted for romance. Plan a weekly date night or an occasional overnight away. Communicate during the day with phone calls or e-mails. Take her shopping for a new outfit. Surprise him with a romantic dinner. Mow the grass for her. Hike with him. Romance is planned and very practical.

The Bible teaches, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:3). Make radical romance a regular routine in your marriage.


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