Renewing Your Mind For Relationships

One of the ways that I healed from an emotional unhealthy mindset was listening to messages and mini sermons several days throughout the week. Sunday is a great blessing and all, but when it came to feeding my spirit and renewing my mind I needed more.

My favorite place to go on-line and get information that pertained to me and my personal issues and situations was There are so many different ministers there and so many different ways to listen, learn, and grow. You can search through the archives and find topics that relate to what you are going through at any given moment, that is what I did and still do til this day. It’s so helpful! Especially when your Pastor doesn’t talk much about Parenting, Friendship, or Marriage. Or it may just be that you are having some major issues with your in-laws and for that whole month at church you guys are reading the book of Revelation.
With all that being said, I’ve listed a few places that I think can be helpful to anyone if they open up and allow it.
With Dennis Rainey you get something like a teaching interview.
With June Hunt you get something like a counseling session.
And with James McDonald you get brief 30 minute sermonets that bless your soul!
It’s doesn’t do us any good to come up with excuses like “I don’t have time” because the messages can be downloaded and listened to in your car while you are driving or on your iPhone or Pod while you ride the bus, work out, get your nails, hair and toes done. We find time to watch our favorite T.V. Shows, go to the movies and out to eat, I’m sure we can find the time to feed our souls. It’s when you are really hungry for change that you will eat.
Most of the times people find a bunch of other unhealthy people to talk to and they validate what they are feeling and they think they are ok. But if people lie to you or just can’t give you the truth because they themselves don’t know it, you can’t grow as an individual.
It takes a lot to find a great person to hook up with forever when you are jacked up yourself. Inside you say “I want someone who will treat me good, not beat or cheat. Provide, protect, love, respect, submit, honor,” and on and on the list goes. But if you are emotionally damaged and refuse to admit and then take actions to change, more than likely you won’t attract that type of person.
Recognize, realize, and then renew!

Being Alone Ain’t Good

If man truly believed that God is the same as He was and the same as He will always be yesterday today and forever, then how come when He says in His word “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

man acts as if God has stopped making a helper suitable for Him? I hear single Christian men going around telling people they are waiting on God and that there are not that many good godly women to choose from and all this other garbage. But my question to you men in waiting is why would God say that it’s not good for you to be alone and then not provide that which would make your life good? He does not love you less than He did Adam. Open your eyes and believe that your suitable helper is somewhere near you.
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Build On The Rock

I’ve seen so many people try to build their loving relationships without Christ. This is impossible to do. You may stay together but being in love is so much better. I mean being alive isn’t enough, you have to be living! A man spends his life in jail, he’s alive but living, not. Most of us want more out of life, that’s why we do our best not to commit crimes that will land us in prison for life!

So to be in a prison of a relationship can be just as bad. A relationship can’t thrive unless God is in it. One of my favorite movies is “Not Easily Broken.” One of the things the Pastor told the newly married couple is that God had to always be in their relationship and the one steering the ship. Meaning, even though you want to do things your way, God’s word and His ways need to come above that, or else your relationship can end in shambles.
So I’m keeping it plane and simple today, only build on a solid foundation of Christ. God is the creator of relationships so He can be trusted.

Post courtesy of The Relationship Stuff

6 Biblical Lessons on Relationships

After 35 years in ministry and 30 years of marriage to Serita Jakes, Bishop T.D. Jakes has outlined key life lessons learned from these two great institutions.

The following are 6 sample “Lessons from the Heart”  excerpted from “The T.D. Jakes Relationship Bible: Life Lessons on Relationships from the Inspired Word of God.”

1. Overcoming Our Differences in Relationships.
The art of relationships requires that a man who is very different from his woman finds common ground with her and vice versa. We are meant to balance each other by attracting people whose strengths may be our weaknesses. Together as a result of our differences and unique distinctions, we complement each other. Understanding only comes when you stand under a real desire to know, love, and comprehend the other person, embracing the uniqueness of who they are.
2. Healthy Relationships Require Emotional and Spiritual Freedom.
You often won’t know what you have, let alone need, in your life until you clear the mental and emotional room to experience the here and now. We don’t have to stay buried under the past or cycles of mistakes, even though it may seem insurmountable. You can move on with your life. You have to keep your mental and emotional house clean and in order. Praying, journaling, mediation, and exercise are common ways for you to be sure your emotional issues of the past aren’t seeping into your current relationships.
3. It Takes Courage to Really Love Someone.
Deciding to love gets harder as you get older. It’s more and more difficult to fall in love because your “faller” gets broken. We’ve all had relationships that didn’t work out for one reason or another. The loss of a relationship can be a traumatic experience and can affect us in our lives for months and sometimes for years. You need to understand what role you played in the relationship’s demise, and work to come to peace with your partner’s behavior as well as your own. No matter what has happened to you, the only hope of a healthy future relationship is to let go of the past.
4. Healthy Compromise in Relationships.
Negotiating win-win possibilities in relationships often means seeing things through the eyes of the others involved in the situation or problem. In most cases of healthy compromise, both parties feel they are “right.” Healthy compromise is the hallmark of healthy relationships. The Lord’s peace often results when each side comes close to His viewpoint, His perfect plan for both parties. We cannot remain so entrenched in our view that we cannot change or adapt, and we must know when not to compromise too far.
5. Safeguarding Your Relationships.
In order to maximize your life and relationships, you have to minimize your load. You must focus on what’s important when it comes to your relationships. Lightening your load means knowing when to release things. Most of don’t realize that the key to release ourselves is within our own hands. You can move ahead and conserve your strength for things that count, things you can change, things you can control. Have the wisdom to see the importance of giving you all to your relationships today!
6. Evaluate Who You Are.
When you see yourself as valuable enough to deserve love and attention from the other person, you form a boundary that you will not compromise. A little self-esteem goes a long way in garnering the courage to ask and answer questions that reveal who you really are and what you really want. Once you look realistically at who you really are and what you desire in a healthy relationship, you are ready to enter into the research that will lead to sound decisions.

I Don’t Love my Lover

If you are in a relationship or an engagement and  you argue more than you laugh, you need to second guess your decision of moving into a life long future with this person. Maybe the problem is you, maybe the problem is them, maybe it’s both of you! (Which is the case most of the time because lots of us came from unhealthy backgrounds). But here’s what you should not do, you should not get married with the option of divorce in your back pocket. When you marry it’s supposed to be for life! So you really need to decide before hand that the person you are with and their flaws and issues is something that you can bear for the rest of your days. Maybe down the line they will grow and change for the better, but there is always the possibility that they don’t.  We say we love our lovers all the time but do we really? Love doesn’t give up! (unless the have sex with someone!) Love, true love inside of a marriage says “We are going to work it out, no matter what.” So are you ready for all of that with your partner? If not , do yourselves a favor and walk away before you say I do, because divorce should not be your get away option, it’s not what God intended.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

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What You Can Learn from Pain

Author Michelle McKinney Hammond shares how to get past disappointment by listening to your pain

I recall being so in love with a man once I could hardly stand it. The trouble was that he wasn’t in love with me. I played games with him and me. Every bit of attention he gave me, no matter how small, I took as a sign that he had feelings for me. My friends tried to rein in my attitude and behavior as they gently told me the truth, but to no avail. I didn’t want to hear it. I refused to hear it. I wanted what I wanted.

Yes, he thought I was nice, but he didn’t love me. He didn’t want me that way. I couldn’t receive or accept this. As time went by and waiting for him to realize what I already believed went past my heart’s deadline, the pain finally forced me to confront him. “Are you ever going to marry me?” I asked. Without blinking or hesitating, he looked me straight in the eye and said, “No, Michelle. I am never going to marry you.”

My entire world crumpled before my eyes. The pain was excruciating. I wanted to die. And yet, deep down inside, I had already known the truth. I’d just refused to face it.

The truth can hurt. It can cut deep, slicing our strength into shreds and threatening to chop our hearts into little bits. Even though we might not realize it, this is when we are able to really breathe. Even if we don’t like the truth, it still will set us free…free to move on. Denial is bondage. We can’t move forward if we’re stuck in “where we wish we were.” We need to acknowledge fully where we are and then move past it. Accept the pain as the attention getter it is. Let it burn going down, removing anything that impairs our vision from seeing the situation as God sees it. Although it hurts, it’s a “good” hurt because it is helping us grow and embrace change.

Pain is best treated as a friend. I remind myself of this often. God gave us the ability to feel pain because it lets us know there’s a problem, and it forces us to deal with what is wrong or what we’ve buried, overlooked, or refused to surrender to God. When we stop and listen to the hurt, we uncover secrets our deceptive hearts may have believed or perpetrated. Jeremiah 17:9 says, “The heart is more deceitful than all else.”

God stands patiently, waiting for us to open our hands to show Him our hearts so He can do what He does best—pour on the oil of love and forgiveness and heal us. So often He says, “Give me your pain,” and we reply, “What pain? I don’t have any pain.” Our denial keeps us slaves to the very thing we want to be rescued from. We don’t want to go there because change might be required. You see, admission or exposure of the truth bears great responsibility.

“What are you going to do about it?” That’s the next question I don’t like to hear. I say, “I don’t like how this relationship is going.” And God says, “What are you going to do about it?” We want to check out the alternatives for getting the life, the love, the circumstances we want before giving up what we have. But the walk of faith doesn’t always expose those options until we face the truth and surrender to the will of God.
Sometimes God simply says, “I know the plans I have for you.”

And we say, “What plans might those be exactly? I’d like to know if it’s going to be better than what I’ve been clinging to. Even though I don’t like it, at least I know what it is.”
And God says, “I have plans for you—for good and not for evil.”

And we reply, “Well, that’s just too vague, God. Can you be more specific?”

And the conversation continues until our pain forces us to scream the truth: “My choices and decisions aren’t working!” There we’ve finally said it. When we turn to God and open our tear-stained hands and say, “God, look at the mess I’ve made,” He gently extricates what we’re holding and makes it right. That’s all God wants. For us to be honest with Him and with ourselves. “‘Come now, and let us reason together,’ says the Lord, ‘though your sins are as scarlet, they will be as white as snow’” (Isaiah 1:18). Just in case we are afraid of the work it’s going to take to fix our situation, God offers to do the hardest part for us. He cleanses us and then empowers and encourages us to cooperate with His restoration plan.

Acknowledging the truth about where we are and where we’d like to be is the beginning of the route to freedom. Acknowledging both of these illuminates the path to get to the other side of our situations. The truth is our guide, noting where we want to go, where we are now, and calculating the best route to arrive at our desired destinations. But it can’t do that without first knowing where we are. When we grow weary of our location personally, spiritually, financially, professionally, or emotionally, we can let our exhaustion give way to the truth instead of making excuses for staying where we are. Don’t wait until life stares you in the eyes and asks for what you don’t have. Take a deep breath, exhale, and talk to God today…right now. Tell Him the truth and ask for His help.
What is the truth about your current situation?

Are you having difficulty embracing or confessing this truth?
What needs to happen so you will face the truth and do something different this time?

What coping strategies are no longer working for you?

What are you going to do about that?

Boundaries in Relationships

People with low self-esteem have their major difficulties in relationships with others. This is because they are unable to establish healthy boundaries or limits with people. The reason, for this inability, is that with low self-esteem comes a variety of irrational thoughts, emotions and actions which leads people to lose themselves in relationships with others. This absorption of self into others leads to a loss of personal internal control. People with low self-esteem have a weakened “internal locus of control” and become dependent on a strong “external locus of control.” They become victims to being controlled by how others think, feel about and act towards them. People with low self-esteem are dependent on others’ approval and recognition and are therefore fearful of rejection by and conflict with others. It has been estimated in the self-esteem literature that over 90 percent of us are suffering from low self-esteem at one degree or another. Therefore most people in relationships are currently suffering from low self-esteem or recovering from it.

People with low self-esteem often have the irrational need to have “perfect” relationships and as a result they are often in competition for control to make their relationships be the way they think they should be. This competition results in the relationships’ health deteriorating and eventually the relationship partners finds themselves in vacuous relationships with deep resentments and hurts. The partners find that they resent the others because of the belief that after giving and giving and giving they have nothing left of themselves to keep the relationships alive and well.

With healthy boundaries established, you will be able to establish and maintain a healthy intimate, physical, emotional and “Spirit filled” relationship with your relationship partners.

This excerpt of information was found on written by James J Messina, PhD.