Tag Archive | Relationships

CONFRONT TO CONNECT

Wisdom HuntersFaithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.Proverbs 27:6 (NKJ)

Confrontation means there has been a disconnection. Something has severed trust. It may be relational, emotional, or financial. Maybe you feel you have lost someone’s love and respect. Whatever the reason for the disconnection, confrontation needs to seek a reconnection. This is what a caring, faithful friend does. They seek to reconnect where there has been a disconnect. Your salvation in Jesus brought you into relational wholeness with heaven so you could model the same on earth. Scripture teaches, “All this is from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians5:18).

However, if ignored, delayed confrontation deteriorates into disconnection. It dilutes understanding, trust, and intimacy. This is why wise leaders keep short accounts and speak freely and early about their concerns. If a leader ignores his or her obvious feelings of frustration, they will naturally distance themselves from the team and the organization. But if they confront early on, in a spirit of respect and understanding, they stay engaged with the enterprise and the individuals, and therefore avoid creating a culture of control and distrust.

This is true in marriage. A wife may confront her husband when she does not feel loved. This is a natural response when she feels distant from her spouse. Depending on the context of the confrontation, the husband may respond positively (if he is smart!) or he may push back defensively if he senses a combative or controlling spirit. It is normal and healthy to desire and seek out relational connection. This is how God has wired people. Just make sure you set yourself up for a successful connection and not an aborted one.

Your husband is much more receptive to receiving your emotional advances when done in a spirit of respect. Use questions like, “Sweetheart, can we sit down sometime today to discuss the children’s schedule for the upcoming week?” This gives him time to process and prepare. If he feels pounced upon or backed into a corner, he will react defensively. In this situation, healthy confrontation gives a couple the organizational connections they need to be more effective in managing their family responsibilities.

Caring confrontation creates a culture of teamwork and trust. A connected culture creates communication channels that build great organizations. Sadly though, a disconnected leader encourages disconnected individuals who then feed disconnected departments that facilitate disconnected divisions that ultimately lead to a disconnected and dysfunctional organization. So, most importantly, start by connecting with Christ. Vertical relational reconnection facilitates horizontal relational reconnection. Sin subtly or not so subtly severs relationships, but confession leads to connection. David, a most effective leader, said it well: “Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD’”— and you forgave the guilt of my sin”(Psalm 32:5). Therefore, make your motives and methods of confrontation for the purpose of reconnection. Friends who care confront to connect.

Taken from the March 16th reading in Boyd’s 365-day devotional book, “Seeking Daily the Heart of God vol. 1” … http://bit.ly/Tv6y9a

You’re more than a donut hole….

I can’t help but agree with this which is why I had to share. Please feel free to share your thoughts.

Married people in successful relationships and folk with the gift of singleness (those who don’t need relationships like apostle Paul) tend to be Judgmental or non-empathetic towards people like me. (Single man needing a wife or a woman needing a husband) yes I said needing! I hear it all, “you’re like a doughnut and need to fill your center with Jesus“, (PLEASE) then I ask what if you’re a donut hole? (Like a Dunkin munchkin) and they say, “you need to get bigger with Jesus on the outside. You need to fast more, you need to go to church more, you need to pray more, you need to read your Bible more, you need to eat more roughage,” I hear it all. 

They’re almost arrogant in their statement when they say “LONG AS YOU GOT KANG JESUS YOU DON’T NEED NOBODY ELSE.” Okay let’s just say you’re right, my question is why didn’t God say that same thing to Adam in the garden? Adam, why you tripping I’m right here, you don’t need nobody else I’m all you need, feel your center with Me! Now I hear the Bible scholars say well he needed Adam and Eve together to be fruitful multiply and replenish the earth. I don’t agree because God could’ve made 7 billion people at the same time within six seconds and placed them strategically all over the earth.

The truth is God did it this way for a reason. He took Eve from Adam’s side for a reason, and placed inside of Adam a love for Eve like no other and vice versa. (We’ll get into that on another post.) God is love and with in Himself lies the most intense and greatest of all intimacies and He just wanted to share it as a gift to the human race. That’s why falling in love/choosing to be in love, a deep soul intimate connection and sexual intimacy feel so good because it’s God’s gift we’ve just perverted and distorted it.

Although there’s a joyous side of love there’s also pain, heartache, tears and confusion, but I still try. Now I understand the “you need to be whole” conversation but I still believe that two people touching and agreeing can bring God into their circumstance and let him be the ultimate healer. So for all you perfect people out there that don’t need what I need, pray for me. And for all you single people out there like me that want to be in love, keep believing in true love because it does exist, and when you find it love and appreciate it like it’s your last day on earth. Let’s trust God together.

Love
f.

Post courtesy of The Real Fred Hammond’s Facebook page.

Your Front Door

Have you ever heard of the saying “sweep around your own front door before you try to sweep around mine” or perhaps you’ve heard of “if you dig one ditch you might as well dig two”.

So many people today spend their whole life trying to dig ditches for others to fall in all the while not realizing that they just may fall in themselves. We spend too much time trying to tear other people down or point out their flaws when we have so many of them ourselves. The bridges that we burn can be damaged beyond repair. Why do we do these things? Do we truly feel much better about ourselves? When you look in the mirror at the end of the day do you smile and say “boy, am I a great person?”

Whispering and gossiping behind peoples backs is what the Bible calls “sowing seeds of discord” and God speaks very plainly about how he feels about this sort of thing. They are frowned upon so much that He calls it an abomination to him!

Proverbs 6:16-20 (New Living Translation)

16 There are six things the Lord hates— no, seven things he detests:
17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent,
18 a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong,
19 a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.

Know that it does your self no good to do such things. Whether you are on the job pointing out all of the short comings of your co-workers to present yourself spotless in the boss’s eyes or behind your spouse’s back you nag and complain to your friends, the truth still remains the same, you can never get ahead by stepping on your sisters and brothers. The same people that you step on to get on top are the same ones that you meet going back down.

Moral of the story is…you never know when you too may need a helping hand. You never know when you may need a little patience and mercy when you’re not meeting the mark. God may use that same person that you have been beating down to show you the same mercy that you should have shown. They may even have what you truly need so it’s very important that you treat others as you would have them to treat you. Strive for peace and keep your slate clean so that you can look in the mirror at the end of the day and smile and know without a doubt that you are truly …a great person. God loves you!

Forgiveness and Gods Unconditional Love

In today’s society I think we would all agree that the statistics for divorce is increasing at an alarming rate. But would you also agree that if we truly understood what it means to have the unconditional love of God those rates would drop tremendously? Not only do we put limitations on our love, but we are unwilling to forgive one another for ANY/ALL wrong doings.

 

Some may say that, “well if he/she did this or that I just couldn’t forgive them.” Well that’s not showing the unconditional love and forgiveness that God intends for us to have. The bible tells us to forgive so that we may be forgiven. (Luke 17:4) states that no matter how many times a person wrongs us , if they ask for forgiveness we ought to forgive.

 

Now I know that this is easier said than done in most cases, especially if infidelity is involved. But if that is the case , there is nothing too hard for God (Luke 18:27) …but with God all things are made possible. Forgiveness is not just for the other person, it is to ease our troubled mind and give us peace and the strength to move on from the hurt. You may not fully understand why things happened but there is a purpose to everything you may experience in this life. All things work together for the good of them that love the Lord and are called to his purpose. (Romans 8:28) There is a reason for each trial and storm and God knew you could handle it.

Question of the day: If God is for marriage, and it being the example of his love for the church, when then is adultry permissible grounds for divorce?